Now they’ve gone and done it.

For the first time in 25 years, I have no children in school. Wow. The girl has been a high school graduate for more than a week now, and I find myself in a very strange place.

Been in a lot of strange places recently, one of which was on the floor at Walmart.

See, in addition to doing the prom, getting the cap and gown, and lining everything else up for graduation, we had to dodge zombies.

We have a family tradition (admittedly an odd one) of playing the video game “Resident Evil” with our kids. The family that slays together, stays together.

On top of all the school stuff going on, Daughter had a birthday. And she wanted the newest video game system from Nintendo, the Wii. That’s the one nobody can find in stores. I made phone calls, visited stores, checked online and begged, pleaded, cried and cajoled with store clerks to get a lead on one.

Then the news came. Walmart would have a very limited number of them available for sale. They could not be purchased until one minute past midnight. I was warned there was sure to be a line, and advised to arrive early.

So we did.

9:45 PM Saturday evening found us at the electronics counter to check in. A young man with multiple face piercings told us that the rumor was true, and the line would form over there by that display of manila envelopes. Go wait there.

I tried to make a joke about remaining stationary in stationery, which he did not get. In fact it seemed to confuse him, and he frowned so severely I feared his left and right brow-rings would interlock, and Every Mother’s Prophesy about not contorting your face or it would get stuck that way, would come true.

I waved my hand, smiled to relieve his anxiety, and headed for the display of manila envelopes.

I do not stand well. My feet are attached to my legs by metal plates and screws from having broken both of my ankles twice. So after a few minutes, I gave up all efforts at proper demeanor, and sat down on the floor.

People look at you strange when you’re sitting on the floor at Walmart. The ones who notice you anyway. I swear there are more zombies in Walmart at midnight than there are in Resident Evil. They wander by and never take note of Daughter and I sitting on the floor. Many were talking to their shopping companion, or a cell phone, or most horrifying, to themselves. Lotta self-talkers at Walmart at midnight. (Husband took the shopping cart and strolled around but as far as I know never once started muttering).

So there we were, at the head of the line that wasn’t. Apparently this shipment was a very well-kept secret. Only one man joined us, and he appeared to be human. He exchanged pleasantries, remained standing and did not hold conversations with himself.

Sure enough, at one minute past midnight, we were motioned over to the electronics counter and allowed to spend a substantial amount of money. I was stiff and longing for a stiff one. We took the prize home and the girl was happy. Now she gets to spend her not-in-school days shooting zombies and doing whatever it is players do to Mario in his Brawl. I don’t really want to know. She smiles at me every time we see one another, and that’s good enough.

:-)

Categories: Humor

Gads! It’s the last day of March and I haven’t done a single blog post! It’s been crazy taking care of grandma, taking care of my own family and preparing for Daughter to graduate high school in barely more than a month. In lieu of an original post, here are a couple of blonde jokes. Hope this finds all of you well - I miss you!

- - -

A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class Section and sits down.

The flight attendant asks to see her ticket. She tells the blonde that her ticket is for Economy Class and that she will have to leave the First Class Section

The blonde replies “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal, and I’m staying right here!”

The flight attendant alerts the pilot and copilot of the situation.

The copilot tells the blonde that she will have to move back to Economy Class.

The blonde replies “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal, and I’m staying right here!”

The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak ‘blonde’!”

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.

The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asks him what he said make her move without any fuss.

The pilot smiled. “I told her First Class isn’t going to Montreal.”

- - -

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, “We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The blonde replied, “Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks ?”

Categories: Humor